HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
