She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
