I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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