and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
