T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
