your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
