can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Be still, my beating vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
