We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
should my penis look like a turkey
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
