I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
