So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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