I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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