i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
