he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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