Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
