WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
