We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
