you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
