found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
