if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
