I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
