Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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