I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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