i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
