I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
