i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize