I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize