I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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