But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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