His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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