Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
