We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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