I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
