I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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