genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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