He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
