I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
