True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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