if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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