): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Are we still banned from the library?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
