I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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