Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
