I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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