Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
