do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
