i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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