me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
