The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
