Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
