I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
