i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
