you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
