hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
