I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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