im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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