Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
