So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
