Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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