Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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