If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
