i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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