Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
