Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
