the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Houston, we have a squirter
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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