He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
