to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
