I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
