I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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