He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
