So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
