respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
