apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
