I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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