I accidentally burped into my bong.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
