Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
