I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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