I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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