Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
