I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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