If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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