I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just found puke in my bra..
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
