are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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