3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
