Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
