Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
