He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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