yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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