we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
