I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Never joke about your clitoris.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
